“He can’t even afford to buy airtime…”
I have a BF who isn’t working. He completed his studies last year and he is still looking for in-service training! He truly loves me, but I find it so hard to understand the situation. He can’t even afford to buy airtime, see me or take me out to the movies! He sends callbacks – I love him and don’t want to lose him. What must I do to understand the situation? Broke and in love.
Part of being in a relationship is having the ability to sit down and talk things over if they bother you. You need to tell him that this isn’t working for you and possibly, to put a deadline on this. It’s already halfway through the year and if your guy hasn’t found anything to do yet, it’s possibly because he doesn’t feel the need to go out looking. There are plenty of part-time jobs around that he could take on to help supplement his income while he waits for the perfect job. Perhaps suggest he finds something before the end of the month? Even if he’s genuinely trying to find a great full-time position, there’s nothing wrong with taking on a temporary job just to make your and his life easier until he gets what he really wants. If he’s happy not working and not earning, sounds to me like you two may not be heading in the same direction, and it would be better to put an end to it before it goes any further.
“… he’s a bit of a flirt…”
I have a bit of a problem with this boy I’m dating. We’ve been best friends since the beginning of last year, hectic best friends, and now we’re dating. We’ve only been dating for a few months, but we’re pretty serious, but it’s also a fun and chilled relationship. It’s comfortable, but the thing is, I don’t think he’s quite used to us being a couple. He introduces me as his girlfriend and we go out and all of that, but just some of the things he says aren’t exactly what a boy would say while he’s dating someone. When we went out he met all my new friends, when we were talking about that night a few days later he told me how pretty he thinks my friends are, and I was sort of offended by that. I explained how I felt to him, but he just said he loved me and he kissed me, but I still felt sort of jealous and annoyed. He keeps making comments like that and he’s a bit of a flirt, he always has been and I know that, but now that we’re in a relationship I really don’t like hearing him say things like that because it makes me feel like he’s comparing me to other girls and it upsets me. Jaded jealousy.
You sound like a mature girl who needs a mature boyfriend. The basis for any good relationship is friendship. He needs to confirm that you still care for him and sometimes falls back into the previous friendship mode. The spontaneity of talking (even about other girls) emphasizes the fact that he still views you as his best friend (which is good). Jealousy is often a symptom of insecurity. Reinforce the positive comments he makes about you by saying: “It makes me feel that you care when you compliment me.” Let him know it makes you feel uncomfortable when he compares you to other girls or ignore the flirting with other girls. You can even agree with him: “Yes that girl does have nice eyes”. That will take the sting out of the jealousy. Maybe he wants to trigger a response and you don’t disappoint him! If he keeps doing it, don’t accuse him but firmly state that you find it unacceptable.